Beating Your ADHDer Down   Frank Barnhill M.D.
 

You know how you feel when nothing seems to go right all day long?

What about when nothing goes right an entire week?

Or remember how you felt when everyone you spoke with yesterday was so negative about the world and everything in it? A real downer! Talk about raining on a parade.

Well, ADHD kids are just like the rest of us, when they are constantly reminded of their shortcomings, they become frustrated, can feel overwhelmed and will give up easily. They often tell me “I don’t see why I should try (to control behavior) when they tell me I can’t do anything right”. “My parents just say I’m a big screw-up!”

It’s well proven that negative comments and too much destructive (instead of constructive) criticism can wear a person down so badly they just simply give up or quit trying. It really doesn’t matter if you’re ADHD or not when that happens. You have really been beaten down!

When ADHD kids who haven’t been taught behavior control, nor learned effective coping skills to control their behavior hear negative comments and criticism over and over, they respond by becoming defensive about their behavior. Often, they get very frustrated because they feel they can’t control their behavior better than they already do.

Remember… when you can’t focus or concentrate, it’s hard to figure out how to change your behavior when you’re faced with a sudden need to do so.

Remember how frustrated you get when the same thing happens to you? An ADHDer’s frustration level may be many times greater than your worse day. And it can all be over a little thing or almost nothing at all. Sometimes. It’s the little problems that cause the greatest conflict, uncertainty and feelings of failure. And after all, probably 75 to 80 percent of all ADHDers have never been taught or learned behavior management techniques.

So what can you do to help?

First, avoid being that negative the sky is always falling person. There really is a lot of good in the world and often things are definitely not as bad as they look. Decide now that you’re going to take the high road to a successful life instead of just skimming through the gutters. Say positive things about the world, your friends and relatives and life in general. I know you can find a few of those. Likewise, avoid criticizing society, people, life’s ups and downs and all those other things that create topics of gossip. Gossip has destroyed many a person and it’s usually the one that starts it that suffers the most.

Secondly, talk to your ADHDer about his or her good behaviors and traits instead of dwelling on bad or repetitive problem behavior. Learn the art of positive observation and the other art of selective ignoring. For more information see “ How to handle Behavior Problems” (here’s the link) http://www.drhuggiebear.com/information/howtohandlebehavior.htm

Thirdly, help your child develop good behavioral coping skills. These usually involve teaching them how to avoid getting upset when they feel frustrated, how to avoid negative feelings when others are talking about them and what to do if they find themselves in a bad situation with family, friends or more importantly with strangers. There are many more coping skills that an ADHDer needs in his bag of tools, but those are best discussed with a behavioral psychologist or a life coach.

Here’s a link to the drhuggiebear.com article: “Helping your ADHDer get along with others”.

http://www.drhuggiebear.com/information/helpingyouradhder.htm

The last thought I’d like to leave you with is…

You are your ADHDer’s best and most effective advocate in being sure that all resources and efforts are used to help make him or her grow to be as successful in life as possible. There is no guilt associated with asking for help and learning how to be that advocate from others who have gone before you.

Dr. Frank

drhuggiebear, drhuggiebear.com and contained materials are the copyrighted and/or registered properties of Frank Barnhill, M.D. and may not be reproduced for profit without the express written permission of the author.  All materials may be photocopied in whole for educational use.  For information please contact us at drfrank@drhuggiebear.com.