How To Handle Behavior

Managing behavioral problems in oppositional kids is sometimes like riding a bucking bronco; you’re gonna get thrown off more than not until you get good at it. Yes, you will be frustrated, angry, may be embarrassed and feel hurt, but you have to learn how to ride in order to stay in the saddle.

You may ask why are some children oppositional or negative toward everything you say or do? The basic problem lies in the child’s perceived sense of “need to be in control”. This is especially true in oppositional teens who feel even more threatened when they think they are not in control of a situation. So, how is a parent to deal with oppositional kids?

The keys are simple, even if difficult to use:

 Parents must remain in control of their emotions, not the child’s.

 Avoid threatening in any manner. It is harmful and never works in the long run.

 Do not create a situation where the child is made to feel guilty.

 Be prepared to deal with the behavior with actions, not words. Actions are always more effective than words.

 Decide on reasonable limits for your child in advance, not at the time you are both angry and frustrated.

 Act as a teacher with genuine concern for your child’s problem. Avoid lecturing, it is always a turn off and causes even more frustration for both of you.

 Be prepared to take a few steps back and look at the problem with a fresh eye. You may need to ask your child’s teacher, doctor, a friend, or a counselor to help.

 Expect to have setbacks or be “thrown from that mustang” without it being a major event or so frustrating that you want to give up.

The last piece of advice is probably the most important of all in dealing with your kids. Both parents must be consistent in meaning what they say and following through with promises. Otherwise, guess who is still in control?

Good luck with your “bucking bronco”!

Dr. Frank