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Failure, stress, and disappointment are like the wind that bends the
lone tree on the mountaintop. For without the wind to repetitively
stretch the tree’s many wooden fibers, the tree would be weak and
subject to easily snap at its midpoint. One may consider wind to be
nature’s exercise for a tree’s muscle, in that each time a tree has to
withstand stronger winds, its muscle fibers grow even stronger. Then
there are trees that have grown against the rocks and move little as
winds blow. These rigidly protected trees are very inflexible and will
usually break at the top when burdened with snow.
In many ways, the stresses in our lives should be like those
mountaintop winds. If we learn to bend a little with each stressful
event, we grow stronger in our ability to handle the next, even if
larger. However, should we resist, fail to learn, and become inflexible
to those stresses, then we may snap as the untried and rock sheltered
tree of the deep valley.
Some cultures actually seek stress and failure at very young ages in
order to slowly exercise their mental fiber. Unfortunately, our
generation has felt it better to help kids avoid failure and we often
treat failure, stress, and disappointment as something to be avoided. We
tell our kids and ourselves that in order to succeed in life, we must
ask ways to avoid such stress altogether. When we do so, we are not
allowing our young trees to flex and grow stronger with the wind. Now
with this in mind, let’s look at a few ways to handle our stress when
the world seems to be falling apart.
- Think of a stressful moment, disappointment, or failure as an
opportunity to succeed. After all, if you have failed at something,
at least you can learn how not to do it next time. Thomas Edison was
once asked why he failed so many times in the invention of the light
bulb. He responded that he had not failed! He had simply discovered
hundreds of fibers that he could not use! When J.C. Penny lost his
accounting job, he didn’t give up. He learned from his stress and
became very rich as a result. How many times have you heard someone
say: “I lost my job and thought the world would end.” “But a few
weeks later I found a great one with higher pay and better
benefits!”
- Try to step back and take a look at your failure as if it had
occurred to someone else. It’s hard to see the forest when you’re
standing amongst the trees. The same is true when you dwell on
failure. You won’t be able to see the lesson to be learned from your
disappointment. You may also choose to discuss the event with a
close friend to get another point of view. Remember, your thinking
is probably cloudy when you’re stressed. You’re not at your best!
(Uncle Frank is one of my sounding boards.)
- Sleep on it, unless it is absolutely an emergency. You say it’s
hard to go to sleep with that on your mind? Ok, before you go to
bed, write on a piece of paper everything you can remember about the
disappointing event. Then list possible solutions and lessons to be
learned. Place these pages on your nightstand, then treat them as
thoughts filed away so you don’t have to worry about them in your
dreams. (I use a ringed notepad as a diary for such events.) I’m
sure you’ll probably have more answers when you’re fresh from a good
night’s sleep.
- Be flexible when it comes to placing blame. Don’t beat yourself
to death over something that is clearly beyond your control. If
you’re not willing to be flexible with yourself, then how are you
going to treat others? Remember the tree that was inflexible? The
next time a really strong wind came along, it snapped in the middle.
Your mental fiber becomes weaker every time you attack it.
Hopefully these exercises in life will help you and your family be
very successful in all you wish to accomplish.
Dr. Frank |
