Is My Fifteen Year Old Depressed?   Frank Barnhill M.D.
 

Difficulty keeping friends.

If you’re depressed and negative, other teens just don’t want to hang with you.  So, a lot of depressed teens will make and lose friends by the dozens.  They just can’t seem to form lasting friendships.  They may even think no one likes them and blame others for the problem.  And of course, this causes them to shy away from social outings, church and organized sporting opportunities.

When you’re depressed, you just can’t concentrate well and your desire to keeping going and succeed is really low.  So, grades start to fall and this creates problems with teachers and classmates.  It may get easier just to cut classes than deal with all that pressure.

We see this group of kids in the office because they are in trouble.  They may be pregnant, have a venereal disease, have gotten caught smoking pot and ended up in front of a judge because of shoplifting.  All of these behaviors were supposed to make them feel better.  Their “friends” or someone told them “you’ll really prove you’re grown up or who’s in charge” by stealing that car or having unprotected sex.  Maybe they thought all of their “sometime friends” would idolize and admire them if they robbed a convenience store or raced along that beach road at 100mph.  After all, wasn’t it worth spending a night in jail or getting a reckless driving ticket, if your friends think you’re the greatest?

I’ve seen teens in my office who have not bathed or brushed their teeth in one week.  They wear the same clothing four or five days at a time.  The most common excuse I hear is “I don’t have time”.  “You guys expect me to go to school and still do all those things?” Their parents argue the opposite is true, but the teen persists.  Guess what?  When you’re blue and don’t feel like doing anything, you also don’t feel like taking care of yourself.  A lot of teens, who are this depressed, consider themselves “worthless” because they can’t keep friends or make the best grades or be the star player on the football team.  So, if you’re worthless…….

For some reason, it seems to be easier for a teen to lie, even when telling the truth would benefit them in the short and long run.  People usually lie to avoid being hurt.  So, if your child’s tendency to lie gets to be extreme, then they are covering up a problem somewhere.  At that point, experts think the lying habit has turned into a defensive mechanism to protect them from further pain and hurt.  Extreme lying is defined as lying and denial even when shown facts that prove that it is a lie.

If a teen is depressed enough, they may resort to fantasy to get rid of stress.  They may brag about things they don’t own, can’t possibly do, and people they don’t have as friends.  Some teens will resort to living fantasy lives on the Internet and stay in their room all the time.  They may be on the computer all night and sleep during the day.  This severely limits their ability to form friendships and learn to live in normal social situations.

Depressed kids tend to eat an awful lot of junk food.   Their eating habits become impulsive and their appetite may go up or down.  They may go on binge diets to lose weight or megavitamins to gain muscle or energy.  They may refuse to eat foods that they used to love.  A lot of people eat, just to relieve stress.

Just when it appears your teen has everything going for her, she erupts in a shouting cussing match that would put an old sailor to shame.  You can’t believe it has happened.  Everything is going her way.  Unfortunately, some teens just can’t handle success.  That is, they can’t handle the flood of emotions that occurs when they are depressed and suddenly experience success.  Helping your teen to experience the good emotions of small successes will prepare them for the big success parties.

These are not all of the signs of depression in teens, by a long shot.  There are many more and some are even worse.  I’m just trying to tell you about the most common ones.   The purpose of pointing out these signs is to get you to watch, listen and learn.  What is important is the sudden change in your teen’s behavior.  And, if you notice the change then you may be able to spot problems and solve or lessen them before they come to a head.

Happy parenting and may your children grow well.

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