Pushing Teacher's Hot Buttons   Frank Barnhill M.D.
 

The secrets are simple, as they are all associated with reading and assessing your self-control characteristics.  You see, kids with behavior problems can read almost anybody like an open book.  That’s the way they developed skills that allow them to survive, even in the face of their own problems.  They learn early in life, which buttons to push to get out of doing things they don’t like, or contrariwise, to get exactly what they want.  It’s possible that having these special talents at reading a person’s characteristics is what pushed their behavior problems so far in the beginning.  Let’s look at an example.

Tony was out of his seat more than 60 percent of class time.  And on top of it all, he kept the other kids in Ms. Blanche’s class from being able to focus on task.  When told to sit down, he would just ignore his teacher.  A few times she could swear she heard him cuss under his breath.  He got out of a lot of class assignments that way and teachers felt ready to pull their hair out when he was in their class.  Sometimes they wanted to hang him upside down in the closet and stuff an old sock in his mouth.  Invariably, he sat calmly for up to thirty minutes, when Ms. Blanche finally walked him back to his seat with a warning that the next time he got up without permission, “It’s off to the principle’s office young man”!   Well, he knew what to do and so he did.  After all, if the class couldn’t focus, then he might just get out of that open book test he didn’t want to take.  So, he challenged her.

That’s right, the kid had some nerve!   Up out of the seat again he came.  This time he had nothing to lose; he’d decided he didn’t want anybody else to take that test either.  So, he grabbed the test papers off her desk and dropped them in the trashcan.  This was more than Ms. Blanche could take.  She had worked hard on that test.  So, she raised her voice at him, “Tony!” “Get back in your seat now!” “I told you to stay there until given permission to get up.” Guess what?   Back in the seat Tony went.  “Yes mame!” After all, she was using a stronger voice and he felt threatened.  Well, maybe for just a little while.  He sat still without saying a word for another thirty minutes and as soon as her back was turned to write on the board, up he came.  Should she be surprised?  Don’t they teach you guys that to keep classroom control you have to sound authoritative?

You know what happened.  This was just too much.  Tony was disrupting the class.  He was keeping the other children from learning.  She would be viewed a poor teacher.  Gosh, she had to fix it fast and right now.  She had a test to give.  So she grabbed him by the arm, dragged him back to his seat and pushed him down into it with a whomph.  In a loud angry voice she said, “Young man didn’t you hear me?” “I’m not going to keep repeating myself.”

“I will take you to the principle’s office!” Barely controlling her anger, she quickly thought, “Everyone will think me a failure if I can’t control one little kid!” “No, I’m not taking him to the principle’s office.” “I can handle this in a calm manner.” “I won’t be manipulated.”

Unfortunately, Tony knew by them that he had her.  And of course, he kept it up for weeks, before Ms. Blanche asked for help.  Experts agree that a child with behavior problems will push the same button at least three times.  They are testing character traits and self control and know three is the magic number.  Their behavior becomes more or less set in stone by the fourth event.  Of course you have to be careful to recognize the “passive behavior problem child”.  That’s the one that always has to go to the bathroom just before every test or convinces you to put him in the hall or take him to the nurse’s office when he doesn’t have his homework.  Ouch!  Betcha didn’t think of passive behavior problems.  So, what is a teacher to do?  You can’t be a parent-teacher-therapist for every child in your class….  Or can you?

Maybe you can.  Let’s take a look at ways to handle having your hot buttons pushed and still effectively teach.

Remember those teachers way back up there?  You know, the ones who never had problems with those “problem kids”?  Well, they shared a few secrets with us.  That’s right, they actually had advance game plans for handling Tony.  I think we can sum the secrets up in three words; empathy, consistency, and patience.  What they told us was “you have to empathize with the child’s problem, and still allow him to experience the failure”.  Then “you must be consistent in control of your emotions and the promise of fair punishment”.  And lastly, “you must be patient in letting the needed behavioral changes occur, even if it means letting the behavior occur again so that you can provide fair punishment”.  Wow!  All of that must take a lot of doing!  The dozens of teachers I interviewed have assured me it does, but it’s like saving five dollars a week for a vacation next year, it builds benefits exponentially.  So, with this all in mind, let’s take a look at how Mrs. Applebaum handles Tony in her class when he goes to the next grade.

On his first day in Mrs. Applebaum’s class, Tony decides to just sit and observe.  By the second day, he thought he had her pegged.  She was quiet, very kind, and reminded him a lot Ms. Blanche.  Boy did he get away with murder with her!  This was going to be easy, he thought as he slipped out of his seat to go look out the window.  Very quietly, Mrs. Applebaum walked right behind him and softly said, “Tony, in my class you must ask for permission to be out of your seat, unless I ask”.  Well, he was ready for that one; it’s the same thing that Blanche woman had said!  “But Mrs. Applebaum, these desks have hard seats and I can’t sit for so long without my bottom hurting!” He was about to ask to go to the nurse when she said in a normal controlled voice, “I know dear.” “They were hard when I sat in them, too.” “Now back to your seat before we have to do the fair thing.” Startled that his ploy was so easily swept aside, he sat down and just stared at her mouthing the words “the fair thing?”.  Mrs. Applebaum knew the fastest way to end an argument is to agree.  She also knew that behavior problem kids didn’t want to be fair about anything, they just want their way.

For the rest of the day, Tony just sat quietly wondering about what happened.  How had he lost control?  And just what did she mean; “do the fair thing”?  By the next morning, he was ready for “old Applebaum” he told his friends in the hall as he got books out of his locker.  He then waltzed right into the classroom and ceremoniously plopped down in his seat with great indifference.  As Mrs. Applebaum started passing out today’s pop quiz, he went into action.  Out of his seat and directly to the window he went shouting; “look there’s a new car parked in Mrs.  Applebaum’s space!” Of course, every child wanted to see, but few were willing to walk to the window.  Most of them just stood at their desks looking to see where Tony was pointing.  Tony just knew he had her.  Either she would tell them about her new car or she would get upset and take him to the principal’s office.  Either way, he would be in control again.  And on top of it all, she would have to forget that stupid test he wasn’t ready to take.

While Tony stood by the window smiling with sure success, Mrs. Applebaum didn’t miss a beat as she continued passing out test papers.  Over her shoulder she remarked; “Oh yes, I did get a new car and it’s a real beauty!” “I’ll tell you all about it at the end of the day if we finish all our work and have time left.” Rapidly sensing he was losing control, Tony added, “I bet it goes real fast and cost a lot of money!” Then in an even louder voice he said, “Why do we have to take a test?” “Ms. Blanche didn’t make us take a stupid pop quiz when we were so excited about her new car.” At that point, he walked to the closest desk, picked up that student’s test copy and dropped it in the trashcan.  Everyone in the class, who really knew Tony, knew at that moment that the test was over.  They had faith in their good friend Tony.  They had pushed his buttons in the past so he would cause a problem in order to get out of doing something they didn’t want to do.

Mrs.Applebaum once again didn’t miss a beat.  She walked to where Tony stood, dropped a new test paper on that desk and leaned over to speak to Tony.  In a voice not much above a whisper, but still loud enough that several kids around them could clearly hear, she spoke directly to his eyes.

“You know, when I was your age I hated taking tests, too.” “It’s terrible isn’t it?” “Now Tony, go back to your seat and don’t get up until I give you permission.” Whoa….  Tony was feeling threatened.  He was about to look bad in front of all those friends.  They would think he was losing his touch.  So, he did what came natural.  He said, “No, I won’t!” “It’s stupid to have a stupid pop test on the third day of school!” Mrs. Applebaum simply leaned over and in a whisper said “Wow.” Everyone in the class immediately calmed down.  Mrs. Applebaum found that whispering had a very dramatic effect on students.  They had to stop talking to hear what was going on.  “You know something Tony?” Tony just shrugged his shoulders.  “Looks like we’re just going to have to be fair about this.” Now go straight to your seat and start your test.” “When you finish we’ll do the fair thing.” Tony regrouped long enough to say “What are you gonna do?” But, he did go back to his seat.  Mrs. Applebaum walked over to him and once again in a low voice said, “I have talked to the principal about you and we agree to be fair and I’m sure your parents will also agree.” By this time, Tony’s mouth was hanging open again, head tilted down with eyes looking up, and he was stuttering as he asked; “My parents?” Mrs. Applebaum responded, “Oh yes, your parents.” “But don’t worry, we’ll be fair”.  “Just don’t worry about it.”

Well, you’ve probably figured out what happened.  Tony worried about what was “fair” and what about his “parents” so much for the next six hours, that he couldn’t take the pop quiz.  However, the rest of the class did great.  Tony wasn’t out of his desk distracting them.  He sat in his desk for the rest of the day and said nothing.  True to form, when all work was finished at the end of the day, Mrs. Applebaum told the kids about her new car.  I’m sure Tony will test her again at least once.  Ok, probably a dozen times, but if she maintains her cool, renders fair punishment with an empathetic flair, and has the patience to wait for Tony’s behavior to be molded, then he will eventually quit trying to manipulate her.  He’ll think his friends will think he’s losing his touch and well, you know, he’s smart enough to know when he’s losing.

What we have seen in this actual teacher story are the basics of behavior training programs; empathy, consistency and patience.  I think teaching others children has to be one of the hardest jobs in the world.  But, as Mrs. Huff always said, “It can be the most rewarding thing in the world.” “Especially when I gave a B in biology to someone who turned out to be a doctor.”

Here’s to Mrs. Huff and all my teachers.  Have a great life.

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