“Teaching Respect”
“Why Kids don’t show respect”
Frank Barnhill, M.D.
“My kids just don’t show me respect”. This is a
very common complaint of parents and especially parents of ADHD kids!
It’s seems that often we expect others to show us
respect as we believe we deserve or are entitled to “being shown
respect” because of who we are.
Unfortunately, it doesn’t work that way about 99%
of the time. I remind parents and others who complain that respect is an
earned asset, not one conferred by birth, giving birth to, raising a
child, being older than another person, or having more money.
If you truly wish to teach your child how to
respect both you, your family and others important to your social
relationships, you really need to take a close look at yourself.
Here are my notes about teaching and earning
respect:
You earn or teach respect by:
1.
Showing the very same level of respect you expect for yourself at
all times to the person from which you desire respect
2.
Being consistent in your regard for that person’s well being,
safety and security and emotional health
3.
Showing realistic adequate parenting skills that do not impose
rules on others that you would not impose upon yourself
4.
Displaying respect for yourself by not smoking, using drugs,
abusing alcohol, food, or your body
5.
Expecting a higher standard for yourself than you expect for
others
6.
Avoiding display of undesirable traits or habits that make you
appear to be less a person to be admired than you claim or expect. For
example, habits such as saying bad things about others, gossiping, using
cuss words or derogatory language around those from who you wish respect
will cause you loss of desired respect
7.
You must set the example that you expect your children to follow
by showing similar respect for older persons and sharing this experience
with them
8.
Avoid judging others based on hypocritical habits or in other
words don’t condemn someone for the very same action you have or will
later display
9.
Respect is not earned in one day or by one event it may takes
months or even years for a person to earn the respect of another
10.
Respect cannot be purchased with money or gifts, only with good
intentions and deeds
11.
Lack of respect is often a self fulfilling perception you will
not feel you are respected if you truly believe you aren’t and if you
aren’t willing to show respect to others
12.
Age by itself, does not entitle a person to deserve respect
without having earned that respect
Above all, remember what a somewhat wise man once
said, “Respect is like a seed planted in fertile soil.” “It will grow a
tree of many strong branches reaching toward great heights.” (Ok, so I
have a few quotes of my own!)
Dr. Frank |
